


how could i know

by dreamchapter



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, i spedrun this fic like beomgyu doing the type test, the others are mentioned about three times, word dump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28791141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamchapter/pseuds/dreamchapter
Summary: i’m wondering, are you my best friend
Relationships: Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	how could i know

**Author's Note:**

> np; sweet night by V
> 
> taehyun's pov of [this one](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22171402).

Taehyun was four. He knew nothing of the world. Mornings were spent in kindergarten, with children too loud for his liking, with teachers that didn't care enough. Afternoons were spent at home, with his mother, with the house cat that didn't give him attention.

But it was okay. The kindergarten served his favorite — meat. The teachers made sure they had enough for lunch, and his schoolmates weren't messy eaters. His mother spent time with him when she's done with the chores. When his sister comes home early, they play together. The cat was kind enough to let him pet her on Monday afternoons. Taehyun was content.

But he was also lonely. His mother worked from home, often spending time at the study to answer calls. His sister was in elementary school yet already busy with schoolwork. His schoolmates were mostly girls — he was one of the only three boys in the class. The girls didn't like the boys. They've got the cooties, they said. He turns to the other two boys, but they were best friends already. They didn't need another one. The cat ignores him.

Winter comes to an end, and Taehyun makes a wish. He wishes for a person like his mother — someone who loves him like family. He wishes for a person like the aunty who lives down the street — warm-hearted, and cheery. He wishes for someone who's like the nice girl in class — pretty, loving heart.

He wishes for a relationship like the two boys in his class. Someone to play with on the playground, to sneak off to the toilet with. Someone who defends him from the mean girls in class, someone who would color between the lines with. Someone to go home with.

Taehyun wishes for a friend.

Kai was four. He was small, frail, and afraid. He was the new kid in class. "Everyone say hi to Kai, he just moved to Korea," the teacher said. Kai held to himself, barely looking up when he was introduced. He was smaller than the other children, his uniform clinging onto his frame for life.

It was autumn, the weather was getting colder. The class was released to the playground as they waited for their parents to pick them up. The class paid no mind to the new face. The girls distanced themselves, and the two boys stayed close to each other. Kai chooses to stay indoors. Taehyun notices — and he stays.

"Hello," Taehyun whispers, shy. "I'm Kang Taehyun. I'm four years old."

The other boy jerks, not expecting someone to stay indoors too. "I'm HueningKai. You can call me Kai," he stutters, speaking for the first time since he'd arrived in the new school. “I’m also four years old.”

Taehyun smiles.

Maybe it was their start.

Somewhere in between, maybe when they were ten, Kai declared Taehyun as his soulmate. Then, Taehyun laughs. Soulmates aren’t real. Love is a choice, he had thought. But it will never be perfect. He’d seen how his sister’s first relationship went. They’d been so happy — everyone had said they were destined for each other, that they were made in the stars.

Then he’d left. The one they thought was her soulmate got tired, and left.

Maybe that’s what Taehyun fears the most. He fears that the ones close enough to him would get tired. They’d see his true colors, find him too boring. They’d find his love for magic too childish, his irrational fear of running ducks too foolish. Then they’d push him away. They’d push, and push. Push ‘til Taehyun’s far away, then build a wall around them, a wall that doesn’t allow him to pass. Then he’d have to watch them let everyone but himself get close.

Taehyun is afraid of losing Kai.

But Kai is hard to get rid of. By twelve, he’d already made himself a permanent resident in the Kang residences. He's over for dinner every other day, having sleepovers every weekend. He has his own toothbrush in the toilet, and his own closet in Taehyun's room. Mrs Kang even got him his own family mug. The Kang sister's friends even recognize Kai as the 'little kid who's always here'.

Kai stays. He doesn’t mind the  _ noonas _ cooing over him whenever they come over. He doesn’t mind the Kangs calling him their own son. He doesn’t mind the whispers from their other neighbors — are they dating?  _ Ew. _ “I like to hang out with you, Taehyunie,” he says. Taehyun is content.

They’re thirteen, Kai knows almost every single one of Taehyun's secrets. He knows about Taehyun's dreams of being a wizard, then a magician, then a performer. Kai knows that Taehyun likes going to the park near their house to feed the ducks in the pond, but is afraid of them turning aggressive on him. He knows that Taehyun likes macaroons, likes to have them on the set of swings near their house, likes the jump off the monkey bars but hates the process of getting up. He knows about how Taehyun has to take over the growing family business after college, about how Taehyun doesn't want to, and just wants to own a small cafe slash art store down the street from where they live.

Kai doesn't leave. Instead, he offers a smile whenever Taehyun pulls the curtains away for him. He doesn't make fun of Taehyun, tells him that he would protect him from the ducks, help him up the monkey bars. Kai tells him he'd be a regular at his future store, that they'd take up art classes together so they can relate to his future artist regulars. “Thank you,” he’d say when Taehyun tells him more about himself.

Fourteen. Taehyun discovers many things. It was the era of better and improved electronics, better internet. He's a curious boy, a few clicks and he discovers a side that the school keeps from him, the side that his elder friends have not introduced him to. He learns about gender identity, sexualities. He realizes some things — many things, actually. Everything starts to fall in place. Why he wasn't as interested in the girls in the class as his male classmates were. He understands why his eyes lingered more on the female section in H&M more, why he never grew out of his playing-with-make-up phase.

But Taehyun is still afraid. What if Kai doesn’t like it? What if he’s disgusted?

He kept it to himself.

They’re sixteen. Their two-man team expanded to fit five. Beomgyu, from the art club; Soobin, the part timer at the bookstore, and Yeonjun, the new face in town. But it’s still Taehyun and Kai. They’re still mainly two, but with more space for some friends. Kai still has half his belongings at Taehyun’s, and Taehyun still sticks to Kai like glue. Sometimes, Soobin comes and attaches himself to Kai. Sometimes it’s Beomgyu to Taehyun. But at the end of the day, Taehyun finds himself gravitating towards Kai, and Kai would open his arms for him.

One year later. They’re seventeen. Sweet, sweet, seventeen. Kai has grown taller over the summer holidays while Taehyun travels abroad with his father for work. He now holds a good three centimeters over Taehyun. Taehyun doesn’t complain — afterall, he felt the safest with Kai’s arms wrapped around him.

They’re sixteen, and Beomgyu approaches them with a problem. “I think I like Yeonjun-hyung,” he confesses after hours of prodding by Kai. “And Soobin. I like both of them. I want to kiss both of them.”

He feels his throat closing up. His head pounds, and his eyes dart nervously to his best friend —  _ soulmate _ . How would he react?

“The three of you aren’t dating yet?”

Taehyun and Beomgyu shared a glance. Huh?

“Kai, I like two men,” Beomgyu tries again.

The boy shakes his head. “I got that, I thought you guys were already dating?”

Beomgyu squawks, ears turning red.

A few days later, Taehyun comes out to Kai.

Kai stays.

They’re eighteen. He learns that he’s going to take on his father’s business when the time comes, and he has to start preparing. He has to ace his entrance exams, secure a spot in Havard. He has to come back and learn the strings, and has to climb the ladder in the company. His father doesn’t let him argue. It was to take on the company, or lose everything.

Kai hears their argument from the front door. Taehyun is ashamed, and avoids the other boy for days. They meet by accident, in front of the apartment gates. Taehyun says some hurtful words, but he doesn’t mean it. But he knows he’s made Kai upset — the way his eyes fell, brows knitted together, how he’s slouched inwards of himself when he walked away, much like the four-year-old Kai he had met for the first time.

But Kai doesn’t leave. When Taehyun goes over to his apartment to apologize, Kai opens the door. It took a plushie, a few sentences, and Kai suggests for them to play Minecraft together. He’s forgiven.

They’re still eighteen. New Year’s Eve. Taehyun thanks Kai for staying.

“I’d never leave you; we’re soulmates!”

They’re nineteen. Adults. They spend more time together at the library, and Taehyun learns more things. Many things that he doesn’t want to address. Soobin tells him that it’s not good. Yeonjun agrees. Taehyun disagrees. He has his future set out for him, one that he doesn’t want to wreck out of fear of his father.

Besides, addressing them would ruin things. Kai might leave.

The night before he is set to leave, he types up a message. He writes, and he deletes. Rewrites, and deletes. A notification pops up, and he opens it.

_from:_ **_hyuka oppa nim_ ** _[11-04-2020, 11:52 PM]_

_tyunie i can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow ;---;_

Reality sets. Taehyun shoots him a quick reply, and continues writing the message.

The next day, Kai hangs around in Taehyun’s room. The boy whines about being left behind while Taehyun packs his luggage. He even suggests to sneak himself through the gates. Taehyun laughs, albeit bitterly. Oh, he wishes.

They spend the rest of the day together. They go to the park again, and Kai fends him from the bigger, aggressive ducks. They sit on the monkey bars sharing an ice cream. They revisit the art school they met Beomgyu at. The sun starts to set, and they set off to the airport.

The ride was silent. Taehyun is scared.

They meet the other boys at the airport. They share their last McDonald’s meal together. Taehyun teases Kai as usual, and Kai banters back. It would be their last in a while.

They share a hug in front of the departure hall. “Do you really have to go?” Kai asks, voice breaking. Taehyun’s heart breaks along with it. He nods, and tears start rolling down the boy’s cheeks. He pulls Kai into a hug. Yeonjun gives them a worried glance, and Taehyun waves him off.

He wants to kiss the tears away. But it’s not his place — so he settles with accepting the tissue from Soobin and dabbing at Kai’s tears with it. From the corner of his eye, he watches Yeonjun nuzzle into Beomgyu’s hair, Soobin heading back to them and taking them in his arms.

They finally part, and he’s afraid. In the lounge, Yeonjun consoles him, tells him that plane rides aren't scary with ‘Big Strong Yeonjun-noona by your side!’. Taehyun chuckles at the elder’s attempt at lifting his mood. He asks about how he’d keep his relationship with Beomgyu and Soobin, and Yeonjun falters.

“We’ll have to work it out.” A pause, then he continues, “We will make it work.”

On the plane, he sends Kai the message he spent all night drafting, and sets his phone aside. 

He’s afraid, but it will work out. It should. For now, he will rest.

  
  


He’s nineteen. New years. Entrance exams. Studying abroad.

Spring passes. Taehyun wishes. He wishes for someone who loves him like his mother loves his father. He wishes for a relationship like Soobin, Beomgyu, and Yeonjun’s. He wishes for someone he can have dates at the playground with, to kiss in the bathroom. He wishes for someone who fights off the ducks chasing him down the park, someone to go to art class with. He wishes to have someone to go home to.

He wishes for a cheery boy with a warm and loving heart. He wishes for the prettiest boy he’s laid his eyes on. He wishes for the boy with a bump on his nose, the boy with dreamy eyes, the boy with a wide smile, curly hair, bright hoodies, loose jeans. Stands with a bowed knee, poses with a wink and a V-sign in every photo.

Half a year goes. He makes another wish.

Autumn ends, and another winter starts. Taehyun waits.

And waits.

**Author's Note:**

> np; ghosting by txt
> 
> so uh.. comments r Very much appreciated ! sorry about... not tagging Uh
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/astertyun)


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